Little Misguided Ghost
by Eternally Ebony
Summary: One night, Private vanishes without a trace. Skipper, trying to figure out why, stumbles upon a CD... three-shot.
1. Little Misguided Ghost

**Disclaimer: PoM does not belong to me.**

Skipper didn't understand.

Why did he leave? Sure, the penguins had their ups and downs, but so did everybody. Not to mention he's not the kind of guy to just up and leave, without any warning.

So why did Private go?

A little under a week ago, the penguins had woken up and he was just... gone. No trace of the little penguin anywhere, and no one had seen him. It's as if he had simply vanished into thin air, almost like he was never there to begin with, sans the stuff he had left behind. But you can't just get up and walk away! This was his home, his life. And anyway, how did nobody notice him leave? Surely someone would've... oh wait. Private knew this zoo as well as the other penguins, he could've taken a sewer route and no one would have been able to tell the difference. It made absolutely zero sense, and baffled all the penguins.

_**You pick now to just up and disappear? We miss you... ya little runt!**_ Skipper growled angrily at his own thoughts. Why did Private pick now, of all times, to be selfish and leave? Why didn't he give any warning as to his apparent unhappiness. Or did he, and Skipper just never noticed?

A sigh escaped the leader penguin's beak. Unless Private could actually explain it, he'd never understand what went through the little guy's mind. He always seemed happy, so innocent and so carefree. So young, so naïve. And Skipper would never know what he was thinking that night. Perhaps it had been a spur of the moment decision. Perhaps it had been planned, after days, weeks, months, maybe even _**years**_ of self-loathing and decision making. Perhaps he hadn't even run. For all Skipper knew, he had been kidnapped, thrown into a cell, beaten and kept prisoner... maybe he just felt rejected.

Skipper leaned back in his bunk. It didn't feel right without Private. Sans that innocent charm and cheerful disposition, everything seemed less homy. Even his pillow refused to provide him with comfort, because ever since Private left, it had felt terrible, with a part of it slightly raised. As if there was something beneath it...

Skipper could've slapped himself at that moment.

Flipping over his pillow, he found a CD. A quick walk to the radio, he put it on, because it had to be from Private. How did he know? When Private had first joined the team, he had drawn different patterns on things that he had given to the others. For Kowalski, it was a checkered pattern. For Rico, wavy lined strips. And on whatever he would give Skipper (as well as the CD), he would draw intricate vine designs. How beautiful... in a pattern nobody could ever duplicate. That's how Skipper knew this was from Private.

He pressed play.

_1, 2, 3, 4_

Skipper frowned in disappointment. He had been hoping for a message, not numbers. Guitar playing came afterwords, leaving Skipper confused. It sounded.. sad.

And then a female voice sang.

_I am going away for a while  
But I'll be back don't try and follow me _

_'Cause I'll return as soon as possible _

So he did run away. Skipper's heart tightened to the point of borderline implosion. But... he'd come back? Was this song really worth trusting? Well, why else would Private leave this behind? Surely, only if it was important. And he didn't wanna be found... well, not yet, anyways. But he'd be back. Surely he would.__

See I'm trying to find my place  
And it might not be here where I feel safe  
We all learn to make mistakes

But Private hadn't made any mistakes! ...Or had he felt that he had? Skipper now remembered, with guilt, all the times he'd reprimanded Private for the stupidest things. Was that what made Private feel he didn't belong here? He felt safe here. Wasn't that enough. _**Safety does not make a home. **_Skipper had heard that before. But just what did it mean? Now, he knew.

_And run from them, from them  
With no direction  
We'll run from them, from them  
With no conviction  
_

He doesn't know where he's going... he just had to get away from here. Hurt and anger tore at Skipper from the inside. Private ran away because he felt restless! That's it! No real reason! Well, when and if he comes back...

_'Cause I'm just one of those ghosts  
Traveling endlessly  
Don't need no roads  
In fact they follow me  
And we just go in circles  
_

Who are they? Private left with a group? Skipper shook his head. No, no, it was a metaphor.

_Now I'm told that this is life  
And pain is just a simple compromise  
So we can get what we want out of it _

What had Private wanted that was worth the pain of giving up his friends; his life? Was finding out where he belonged worth giving up the home he'd always known? Perhaps it was simply the journey, to find out what he'd already known.

_Would someone care to classify  
Our broken hearts and twisted minds  
So I can find someone to rely on_

Skipper frowned. So Private couldn't rely on them. **_No_** a voice inside him told the distraught leader, **_He wants someone to understand him. _**The thought made Skipper feel better. Despite a deep caring for his friend and teammate, Skipper would probably never truly understand him. He barely understood him now!

_run to them, to them  
Full speed ahead  
Oh you are not useless  
We are just  
_

Skipper understood. Private needed this, whether he wanted to or not. Skipper couldn't have stopped this eventual departure. It wasn't his choice. And Private understood that the friend he called leader needed to be reassured. He wasn't unimportant... he was simply forced to follow a different path. The paths would cross again. Skipper would just have to wait.

_Misguided ghosts  
Traveling endlessly  
The ones we trusted the most  
Pushed us far away  
_

Here, the guilt came back. Skipper remembered a rather recent happening, almost a month ago. Private asked him if he had ever wanted to go to the stars, during one of those rare, peaceful moments. He had confided in Skipper his secret fascination with them. And Skipper's response?

"Their just balls of gas, Private. Now get your head out of the clouds, we've got training bright and early tomorrow morning."

That must have stung deeper than Skipper had thought.

_And there's no one road  
We should not be the same  
But I'm just a ghost  
And still they echo me _

No, they weren't the same. And they never would be. Private was an idealist, a dreamer, one who would never fail to see light, even when trapped in the darkest abyss. Skipper was a realist, a penguin who only took the time to see the facts, and never the opinions. Perhaps the opinions matter more than he knew. Perhaps he should stop to smell the roses.__

They echo me in circles

The music dimmed to a stop, ending with a final pluck of the guitar. Skipper was glad Private had left this, lest he never know why Private left, or if he had figured it out, feel extremely guilty. It was a quest of the soul. Others had taken it, and know it's Private's turn. He'd never know just what would happen, but when Private comes back... he won't be the same.

Neither would Skipper.

"Skipper?" the Penguin turned to his lieutenant, Kowalski, and his Demolitions expert, Rico, as the two entered the base, having spent the last few hours searching the park for clues, "We didn't find anything, but..."

"We're aborting the mission."

If penguin jaws really could drop to the floor, then that's where Kowalski's would be," Wha- but sir, don't you want to find Private?"

Skipper turned away, not wanting the others to see the tears forming in his eyes, "Yes, but he's gonna be home before you know it. We've just gotta wait," leaving Kowalski to ponder that, Skipper climbed up the ladder and out into the night. It was unusually clear; Skipper could make out a multitude of stars, as well as the moon. Wherever Private was, could he see it?

Skipper smiled, realizing that the moon looked like a smiley face, when you focused on it and two nearby stars. He'd never taken the time to appreciate that stuff... but he would now. Looking up at the moon, and hoping Private was too, he whispered words that faded into the night...

"I'll be waiting, my little misguided ghost."

**One-Shot? Unusual? You decide.**


	2. Can't Keep Running Away

**Disclaimer: PoM does not belong to me. Continued due to popular demand.**

Private hated it.

Hated that little voice of doubt in the back of his head. Hated that feeling that it was all too perfect to be real. Hated the terrifying thought that he was simply a tool, to be discarded when his usefulness was gone.

So he ran.

One month ago today, Private had left his team, his family. It wasn't a choice he wanted to make, but he couldn't shake the doubt. He had to get away, to confirm what he wanted to believe was true. At the time, it had seemed like the best choice. Now, Private couldn't get rid of that feeling of regret, gnawing at his heart strings, wishing him to go back. But he couldn't; not now, it was far too late. He had meant to leave New York City some time ago, yet at the same time, something kept him rooted here. It was a baffling feeling the youth had never experienced before.

The feeling that this was too good to be true had been there a long time; the voice of doubt in his head seeming to never shut up. He had refused to listen to it. Well, up until the point where Skipper had more or less told him his favorite past time, stargazing, was a waste of time. The words cut him deep, and he listened to the voice, beginning to believe that they didn't care about him; or if they did, had an ulterior motive for doing so.

The lies ate him alive, so he ran.

That night, he took little, and prepared to flee, when something stopped him; told him he couldn't go without saying goodbye. So, Private did what he used to do during his early days on the team; he grabbed a marker and drew unique vine designs on a CD, then carefully, as not to disturb his slumbering leader, placed it underneath Skipper's pillow. That way, he at least didn't feel guilty. The song on that CD had encouraged him to leave other homes, where he was not wanted. It would explain to Skipper why he had to leave. Hopefully, they wouldn't be mad at him.

He sighed, gazing off the top of the roof and into the starry sky. It was the only thing that would forever remain constant; the lights shimmering in the sky, and their companion, the moon. They would always be watching the Earth, and were the only things that gave the young Private a sense of security.

Below him, on a balcony, two teenagers sat. Private had seen them more than once, and found them an eerie reminder of his own friendship with Skipper. One of them smiled, and turned on a radio that laid not three feet away. The sounds of skillful guitar strumming echoed out of the speakers, and unto the world, beautiful sound emerged.

Then, a male voice sang out gently.

_Did I tell you I knew your name?  
But it seems that I've lost it_

Would he have forgotten them, had he left? He had never forgotten anyone he had befriended in the past, and never would. Would that have changed had he followed his instinct to leave?_  
Did I tell you it's my own game?  
This is not your problem  
_

_No,_Private thought. _It's shouldn't be their problem._ Yet by living with them, Private had made his problem theirs. It was the penguin credo; never swim alone. Young Private had never truly been able to believe that statement, not least of all because the penguin who told it to him couldn't trust his own teammates with his past

_I don't know if I'm gonna change  
Wasting time and another day  
_

He was wasting his time here. He should be far off by now. And yet, he allowed himself to waste away here, where all he could do was regret. Why couldn't he leave them?

_I keep running away  
Even from the good things_

_**You can't keep running from them, **_a voice Private had never heard before spoke in his mind. Great, as if his distrustful voice wasn't enough. **_They're the best thing that ever happened to you. _**True, the team were the first and only people to not only accept, but welcome Private into their home as he truly was. They had no expectations, expect for him to be there for them; and he couldn't even accomplish that. A deep guilt settled in his stomach.

_I keep running away  
Even from the good things_

_**Do not listen to her.**_ the familiar voice, the one who told Private to run, chimed in. _**They don't care for you; you're just another soldier to Skipper, another casualty. He doesn't care.**_

Did I tell you it's not that bad?  
Sitting over here dreaming

The friendship he had with the other penguins may or may not be genuine; but they did what nobody else had ever done. They had called him one of their own. That's what kept Private with them for as long as he had. Maybe just lying here and dreaming wasn't the best thing to do; but it was the only way he could battle these demons.

_Did I tell you I'm right on track?  
This time I mean it  
_

Is this the right track? Perhaps on the roads wasn't where he belonged anymore. _**No. It's the only place for you. Admit it. I mean, look at how they treat you. Nobody can care for you, you've said so yourself.**_

_I don't know if I'm gonna change  
Wasting time and another day  
_

_**But look back, Private. To all the things they've done for you. **_And so he did.

_I keep running away  
Even from the good things_

When he looked back, he saw Skipper putting his arm around him, while walking back to the zoo after a rescue. He saw Skipper peering in at him in his bunk, after accomplishing a mission. He saw his leader unlocking his cage, telling him the consequences of what he was about to do. But that's not all he saw.

_I keep running away  
Even from the good things  
_

He saw Kowalski, covering his eyes. He saw Rico, handing him a stick of lit TNT. He saw Julian, asking Private how to be kind to others. Then Eggy, running up to hug him goodbye. So many good memories. _**See child, they do care about you. Though they may not say it, actions speak louder than words.**_

_Running away  
Even from the good things_

Private's eyes watered, so he rubbed the tears out. So many signs, and he had been ignorant to them all! And he was supposed to be the down-to-earth one. Beneath him, he noticed one of the teens crying, and the other one comforting him. _Would that had happened had I just gone to Skippah?_

_I keep running away  
Even from the good things_

He was scared, though. He had been gone so long, would they still accept him? _**You're making excuses, child. Just go home.**_ That wasn't a bad idea.

_I keep running away  
Even from the good things_

_**They would never accept you!**_ The other voice argued. _**You'd be punished for running away!**_ For once in his life, Private found courage against the voice. In a firm voice, he told the doubtful voice to shut up, and go away. For once in his life, that voice was completely silent. It made Private smile.

_I keep running away  
Even from the good things_

Well, it was time to stop running. He had a home to go back to, and nothing was gonna stop him. Not doubt, not fear.

Nothing.

**Not as good as the first one, in my opinion. Running away was the only song that really fit the mood of what Private was thinking.**

**And no, he is not insane. He's simply having an internal conflict. The voices represent what he's feeling during the conflict. To him, the home he knew was too good to be true, so it must have been false. Try to see this from Private's naïve little mind.**


	3. When Angels Cry

**Disclaimer: PoM does not belong to me.**

Moonlight. So calming... so peaceful.

Skipper stared up at the starry sky from his position atop the bell tower. It had slowly, but surely, become his favorite stargazing spot, not least of all because this was the last place he had seen the Private before he had left. The way Private had looked so sad... Skipper had, the moment he realized that, felt the need to slap himself. That seemed to be happening more and more as he picked up multiple signs of misery from the past he hadn't then.

Despite Private's message, he felt guilty. At the very least, he was partially at fault for Private's leaving! Not a day went by where he didn't think about the young penguin. Was he all right? Was he eating well? Did he miss them? ...Did he want to come home?

Skipper sighed, looking back over the city. Little did he know that his little misguided ghost wasn't so far off...

* * *

Private was watching.

From his position at the roots of a nearby tree, he could see Skipper atop the zoo bell tower. What was strange was that he didn't seem to be doing any aerial recon... in fact, he was just watching the sky. It seemed impossible, though. Skipper? Sky gazing? Still, that little bit of hope that maybe, just maybe, he had affected Skipper's life in someway took hold. Now, all he had to do was walk up to his friend and say hi. Simple enough.

So why couldn't he move his feet?

_**You're just nervous.**_ He told himself. But still, as much as he wanted to run up there and embrace his leader... he couldn't. He just couldn't. **_Well, home sweet home._**

* * *

Skipper looked from the sky to the fields, hoping he could spot the Private coming home. No such luck. He sighed, turning on the nearby radio Rico had given him in hopes of drowning his worries away in the music.

The sounds of gentle strumming filled the air. Skipper closed his eyes, content with the (if not temporary) peace.

Then, ever so gently, a male voice began to sing out.

_Well it's hard to explain but _

_I'll try if you let me_

Skipper hadn't the chance to explain just how important little Private was to their team. It would be impossible to recover from something like this; he is apart of their family and always will be. Without him, everything just feels... weird.

_Well its hard to sustain_

_I'll cry if you let me_

The only thing that kept Skipper from mourning his loss was the fact that it wasn't a loss. Someday soon, Private would come home. When that happens, Skipper would embrace him, forgive him. The leader looked up to the moon and sighed. It was a full one tonight... Private would have loved it.

_This doesn't change the way I feel about you or your place in my life  
(please don't cry)_

Never. Nothing could change that little scamp's place in Skipper's life. He was one of Skipper's best friends, possibly the only one the leader ever confided in, and it broke Skipper's heart that he felt out of place at his home. He never wanted to see the child cry.

_Can't you see I'm dying here?  
A shot of broken heart that is chased with fear_

Softly, Skipper moved his flipper over his heart, placing it so he could feel the beating. It meant he was still alive. And as long as he was still alive, there was reason to hope, to believe Private would come home. A twinge of fear, that he was wrong, shot through him suddenly, but he brushed it off.

After all, angels don't lie.

_Angels cry when stars collide_  
_And I can't eat and I can't breathe_  
_I wouldn't want it any other way_

Meanwhile, the young penguin had heard music coming from where Skipper was. Curiosity (after all, Skipper didn't normally play music) gave him the courage to approach, and heard more clearly the music Skipper was listening to.

_Intentions that were pure have turned obscure  
_

Originally, he just wanted to escape what he thought was a lie. Even when he realized otherwise, he didn't go back. Why?

Fear.

Fear made him leave his friends. Fear told him to leave the city. Fear screamed that returning as a bad idea. And, like a fool, he had believed the lies fear made up. Such a tricky demon. Maybe whoever said 'There is nothing to fear but fear itself' may have been onto something.

_Seconds into hours  
Minutes into years_

Time... being wasted on dwellings that wouldn't matter in the end! He should be up there, with Skipper, not hiding on the sidelines like only the stupidest of cowards. And before he could lose his courage or change his mind, Private began climbing to the top of the bell tower.

_Don't ask me why  
(please don't cry)  
I cant tell you lies_

Skipper didn't bother to turn around at the sound of someone climbing to the top of the tower. Rico and Kowalski occasionally checked up on him, so he was used to the sounds. Instead, he said. "I'm fine, boys, now go back to bed."

He didn't expect an English accent to talk back to him. "Really? Shame, I wanted to join you."

_Angels cry when stars collide_  
_And I can't eat and I can't breathe_  
_I wouldn't want it any other way._

Private smiled as Skipper whirled around in surprise, staring at him in disbelief. He half couldn't believe he was here, either. Taking a step back (as is polite), he inquired, "Might I join you?"

The stunned Skipper just nodded.

_Angels cry when stars collide  
And I can't eat and I can't breathe  
I wouldn't want it any other way._

It took a good few minutes for Skipper to speak again. And once he started, he found he couldn't stop! He informed Private of all the happenings in the zoo while he was gone, what the others were up to, how much they've missed him...

All Private did was smile politely and link his flipper with Skipper's.

_My heart burns through  
My chest to the floor  
Tearing me silently although abruptly_

"And have you missed me?"

_Words cant hide as I'm taking you home  
And I tried to see  
Tried to understand your words as I'm taking you home  
_

Skipper looked to the ground, wondering how to answer his question. He looked the child in the eyes and said, "I've been waiting, haven't I?"

_Angels cry when stars collide  
And I can't eat and I can't breathe  
I wouldn't want it any other way  
_

Private blinked, confused, though he hid it easily. Why hadn't Skipper yelled at him? Perhaps in leaving, he'd changed more than he thought. And Skipper had been waiting for him all this time...

It made him feel good. Without knowing why, he embraced Skipper closely. Though a little surprised at first, Skipper wrapped his arms around Private, returning the hug. A warm feeling tugged at the youngling's gut.

_Angels cry when stars collide  
And I can't eat and I can't breathe  
I wouldn't want it any other way._

"I've missed you, too"

With those four words, a warmth fell over Skipper. Both had kept their promises: Private had come home, and he had waited for him. He couldn't expect things to go back to normal. They might never. Kowalski would be keeping a close eye on Private, and Rico would be mad at the boy for some time. But the important thing was that he was back. At the moment, that's all that mattered.

And two souls, immersed in moonlight, reunite at last. Nothing could be more beautiful than that.

**...Deep at the end. A thanks to everyone who reviewed/followed this story.**

**Now what? ...a new story? Maybe. Depends whether or not I'm up for it. I've already got an idea...**


End file.
